Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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