You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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