Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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