How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
