my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
