I'm eating all of the evidence.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize