All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
whose parrot is this?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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