while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
