i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
