My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
