I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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