Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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