he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize