I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
