Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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