this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
