You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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