Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
