just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
