STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize