She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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