Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
