i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
