Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
