I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
