You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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