my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
