man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You ate ashes out of my bong
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
