Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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