toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
