mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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