just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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