i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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