google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize