What a fucking waste of an outfit
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
