I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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