can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
