she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
