I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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