yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize