So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
