I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
