And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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