I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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