I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
