Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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