I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
