The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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