i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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