i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
