My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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