Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
