Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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