If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
