Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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