The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Boobs speak an international language.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize