he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
