just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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