Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
