I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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