I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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