maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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