the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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