I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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