oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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