Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
