I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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