and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
