Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
