I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
